A Good Friend
Quote from Augustine’s Confessions (4.8.13)
“… longing for someone absent with impatience and welcoming the home-comer with joy. These and similar tokens of friendship, which spring spontaneously from the hearts of those who love and are loved in return - in countenance, tongue, eyes, and a thousand ingratiating gestures--were all so much fuel to melt our souls together, and out of the many made us one.”
This is a short exert from Augustine’s Confessions. It’s part of a lament of sorts, grieving a lost friend. When I read it, I feel the emotion in his tone. It’s inspiring and heart-breaking in the same breath. To find such intimacy in friendship is stunningly difficult today. Today these words might be met with uncomfortable squirms from most men.
I think that’s a shame. I think friendship, the kind that Augustine speaks of here, is generally lost. In the midst of all of our communication we have not the time, nor the desire to know, understand, and invest in a friend. And we are worse for it. The word intimate is off limits between men, when the word does not need to imply romance. It is unfortunate.
In addition, we also lack the necessary gumption required for such a relationship to take place. To many, a friend is an assumption, someone we rarely express gratitude toward. And when we don’t have good friends, it is rarely our fault.
If true friendship is to be discovered for you or for anyone, it will be associated with these words: stern and empathetic, open and trustworthy, joyful and purposeful.
“… longing for someone absent with impatience and welcoming the home-comer with joy. These and similar tokens of friendship, which spring spontaneously from the hearts of those who love and are loved in return - in countenance, tongue, eyes, and a thousand ingratiating gestures--were all so much fuel to melt our souls together, and out of the many made us one.”
This is a short exert from Augustine’s Confessions. It’s part of a lament of sorts, grieving a lost friend. When I read it, I feel the emotion in his tone. It’s inspiring and heart-breaking in the same breath. To find such intimacy in friendship is stunningly difficult today. Today these words might be met with uncomfortable squirms from most men.
I think that’s a shame. I think friendship, the kind that Augustine speaks of here, is generally lost. In the midst of all of our communication we have not the time, nor the desire to know, understand, and invest in a friend. And we are worse for it. The word intimate is off limits between men, when the word does not need to imply romance. It is unfortunate.
In addition, we also lack the necessary gumption required for such a relationship to take place. To many, a friend is an assumption, someone we rarely express gratitude toward. And when we don’t have good friends, it is rarely our fault.
If true friendship is to be discovered for you or for anyone, it will be associated with these words: stern and empathetic, open and trustworthy, joyful and purposeful.
I am 24 and over the course of my life I have made maybe one male friend that I am "intimate" with. It is really hard to have a friend like that. I hope to make many more like it.
ReplyDeleteIt's no easy task for sure. I think difficult or challenging circumstances often facilitate friendship between men.
ReplyDelete